Ron Weasely and the Muggle Twin
by Mimi Jae
Summary: At last, Ron takes a stand. He, Hermione and Harry tu...no! Wait, just read, before I spoil it for you.
1. Default Chapter Title

a/n-this takes place in the fifth year. The characters Ron, Fred, George, Pansay, Millicent, Lavender, Hermione, Nevil, and Harry belong to Ms. Joanne Kathleen Rowling, as do the rest of the lot who I didn't mention. I'm too lazy to mention them. If I don't have Forge and Gred's (joke from 2nd book) ages correctly, leave a review and I will change them and give you complet The characters Professor Batterworth, Fredrica and Georgett are mine. The character Mizz belongs to herself and I can not put any claims on her. Good thing too, I don't want to be responsible for that crazy zealot's actions. Who would want to be? Any resembelance of characters in this book with any person, living or dead, is not a coincident. It is most likely the person I am writing about, so run after them screaming, "Wow! You are a witch/wizard!! Can I have your autograph?" If you get arrested and/or put in a mental asylum for this offence, do not blame it on me-it is not my fault that you are dumb enough to listen to the eccentric babblings of a messed up fan-fiction author. This usful information has been brought to you by the computer of a daft nut-nut who lives in the mental asylum because she was dumb enough to follow her own advice. If Mizz has to change her name and move to Timbuktu because I wrote this story, I will not apologize and I won't really care because she didn't review my "Run" poem and she didn't even helped me get it up. She's suposed to be my technical aid-I write the stories, she does the technical "do-ditties" (I a quoting Mizz, as if you didn't know) and informs me when I have a new review. It took me forever to get that darn thing up. I had to get the password to my account (Mizz manages it, so I had to hunt her down to get it) and that alone took half an hour. Mind you, it is not easy for a book worm to work the Puter. Not fun, either. If Mizz doesn't review my "Run" poem, I will be mad. No one here (cept for my buddy Mizz) knows what happens when I get mad. MiMi Jae gets mad and MiMi Jae writes freaky stories. MiMi Jae kills people in these stories. Review my poem, Mizz. Don't get me mad. Also, if you don't like my work, don't flame me. It's not that I am able to be burned to a crisp by them, I'm wearing my flame repellent suit. I'm also wearing my happy face. If anyone knows what that last happy face quote came from, I'll write a fan fiction about them. No, not a cliche. A fan fiction. Your choice what about. And if you think I can't hear your compliments (this is to all my nice fans out there-Hi!!), you're wrong!!! I love you guys! You make the world go round for me! KEEP LOVING ME AND MY STORIES, and the sanity of the earth is still concidered ok and in perfect condition. Ok, on that happy little note, I would like to say that this has been the longest author's note in the Harry Potter section of FanFiction.net's history. ::bows:: Please, no autographs. Ok, Colin, you can take a few pictures. Just remember, they're $20 a picture. J/K. I dare anyone to challenge my long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, author's note. I'll just keep writing untill my whole story is an author's note. 

Are you done with me now? 

* 

Good. Now stop listening to me and read. 

* 

Didn't I just tell you to go away? 

* 

Are you disobeying me? 

* 

Go away, or I'll make you read another author's note! I'm serious, and that would be worst than Chinese Water Torture! Now go away and R*~*E*~*A*~*D!!! Good bye, adios, I'm tired, fare well, avederdarchi, Good Night, Riverton! (That quote belongs to Disney.) This author's note was brought to you by the letter M and the number 14. This author's note was aproximatly two pages long and it took me fourty five minutes to write it. I love Sesame Street, and Elmo rocks. Bye-bye. I'll be collecting my wits soon. I think they're at the drycleaners right now, though. Oh, well. In the words of...me..."Go away!" 

Ron Weasely and the Muggle Twin 

***** 

part 1-Who invented the phone? And who really cares? 

"...and so you see that is why the Muggles need telephones," droned Professor Batterworth, the Muggle Studies teacher, finishing his lecture on the reason Muggles need phones. Half the class was snoring and drooling on their text books, off somewhere in La La Land, and the other half was happily talking and passing notes to each other, completely disregarding the Professor and his long, dull lecture. All but one avid carrot top. He was cheerfully scribbling down notes, and soaking up every last syllable that left the old, withered lips of this boring teacher. 

"So, Miss Brown, it seems as if I'm boring you?" The old man smiled at the fourteen year old witch, who was presently blowing idle bubbles with Inkie Blue Bubbles bubble gum, a new brand in Hogsmeade's favorite sweet shop, Honey Dukes. "Can you tell me how to call long-distance from Silliea, California to Cohasset, Massachusetts?" 

"Well, that's easy. 1-area code-383-phone number," sighed Lavender. 

"Very good, Lavender. Ah, Miss Bulstrode, can you tell me, how do you call the opperator?" 

"Duh. You press 0," Millicent burped. 

"And, lets see, Ron seems to be paying great attention. Who created the telephone?" 

"Oh, that's an easy one! It was...um..." Ron scrambled through his notes. "Ah, got it! Thomas Eddison!" 

The whole class cracked up. 

"No, I'm sorry, Ron, he invented the light bulb. Can you stay to talk to me after class?" The class banshee shrieked, and the other students scurried out of the room for their next classes. The old professor turned to Ron. "Ron, may I see your notes?" 

Ron handed over his perfect notes and Professor Batterworth shuffled through them listlessly. 

"Well, they're all perfect. I don't know what to say, except you're going to have to get a MT." 

"Si..sir, not that! Please!" Gasped Ron in horror. 

"Well, it's that," Shrugged the man with pitty in his voice, "Or, you could flunk." 

* 

"Come on, Ron, you've got to eat something!" Harry begged. Ron hadn't touched anything at all at lunch, and now it was dinner, and still he hadn't eaten. He had started moping after his Muggle Studies class, and hadn't even cared that Snape (seven classes after Muggle Studies, right before dinner) was making him work with Malfoy. Even when Draco dissed his family, he didn't make any rude comments back to him, and didn't even look peeved. The scariest part was even Snape realized something was wrong. 

Half way through the class he had taken Ron aside and asked what was wrong, a very un-Snape like thing to do. After talking to Snape for ten minutes, Ron got to change partners and work with Harry, Nevil and Hermione (there were groups of four) and Crabbe went to work with Draco, Goyle and Pansy Parkins. Something was defiantly wrong. 

"Look, Ron, what ever it is, you can tell us." Hermione prompted, popping Harry's thought bubble. 

"Well, I'm gonna have to get an..." Ron mumbled something under his breath, so soft that neither Hermione or Ron could hear. 

"What was that, Ron? We can't hear you." 

"An MT," Ron whispered, banging his head on the table. 

"What?" Ogled Harry, having no clue of what was going on. But, at the same time... 

"Oh my God!" Cried Hermione, "You seriously have to get one? That's so unfair! You're not that dumb!" 

"What, you're implying that I'm dumb?" Grunted Ron, teasing Hermione. These two could be a great cure for depression. That is, if they didn't inflict the anxiety on you. 

"Well..." Sniggered Hermione. 

"Excuse me, but what is an MT?" Inquired a slightly ticked Harry, not wanting to be excluded. 

"Well what? I don't see a well around here." Ron looked around and scratched his head like a monkey. Hermione doubled over with a serious case of the giggles. 

"IF...you...are...quite...through," hissed a now greatly peeved Harry, stressing each syllable. He really didn't like to be ignored, and Ron and Hermione started to do this more and more lately, especially when they were together. "What...is...an...M...T?" 

"Oh, right, I almost forgot," Ron sighed, remembering his misery. It is a good thing eyes aren't deadly, because Hermione's eyes were shooting daggers at Harry, as if to say 'What'd you do that for? I just got him happy!'. "An MT is a Muggle Twin. You get one if you are struggling in Muggle Studies. They are exact replicas of you, only they're robots, well, sort of. Ok, so they're clones of you, but they can be programed like a robot and don't really have any emotions. They follow you around and tell you lots of pointless information about Muggles. You get dubbed with the name 'Dumb Mugg' by the Slytherins. It's like getting 'I'm stupid' branded across your forehead. On the bright side, they're good for tests." 

George and Fred, who had just came back from setting timed dung bombs all around the entrance of the Slytherin common room. Upon hearing about the MT, Fred cried, "Who's getting the MT?" 

The daggers were thrown from Harry to Fred, who paid them no mind. A disheartened Ron raised his hand. 

"Lucky!" Fred and George wailed simultaneously, adding no sarcasm. 

"WHAT?" Exclaimed Ron, Harry and Hermione. "Are you mad?" 

"Yeah, you heard me...er...us...clearly," shrugged George. "You're so lucky-you can program it to do what ever you want, didn't you know that? Me and Fred ["Fred and I," corrected Hermione.] both signed up for Muggle Studies in our third year, and we got one, but they took it away, because we were just pretending we were dumb to get one." 

"Yes, a sad day. We had to say good bye to our dear friends, Fredrica and Georgett," mock-sniffed Fred. "Two of the best girls you'll ever meet." 

"Wait, you, Ron, said the thing was an exact replica of you, so how was it a girl?" Harry eyed Ron suspiciously. 

"We...oh, what's the word...tampered with the system," Fred grinned. 

"Fred Weasely, if you just said what I think you just said..." warned Harry with fire in his eyes. The eyes in this group were certainly getting a work out. 

"Oh, come on, Harry, don't be sick. They're almost exactly like a human, but they're like a holograph, almost-there's software that the teacher holds on to, but if it is even changed a tiny bit, the whole hologram/person changes and, volia, you have a new person!" George lectured. Then, frowning a little, "But of cource, it takes someone who is highly trained in this area of Muggle software. In short, a technical genius." 

"Humm, and let me guess, this 'Technical Genius' would happen to be, oh, I don't know, you and Fred?" 

"Precisely, my good man!" 

"Give that boy a lollipop!" Laughed Fred. "Now, Ron, when exactly did the Batter-man say this MT was comming in?" 

* 

"You're sure we won't get in trouble for this, Ron?" Hermione asked nervously. "This doesn't seem right, you know, being out at midnight, in the Muggle Studies room, waiting for your brothers to come and do something that we could all get expelled for..." 

"Cource we won't get in trouble, just as long as Fred and George get here on time, we're safe," Ron grumbled. "Anyways, you should never doubt Fred and George when they decide to make trouble. And are you fifteen or five? Because you sure aren't acting fifteen." 

"Yeah, they'll keep us out of trouble," Harry muttered sarcastically 

"What ever. Why again are we making this into a girl? Another boy would be fine, you know," Hermione sighed. Then she grinned at Harry and said something that was rather cruel on her part. "Unless Harry needed a new girlfriend?" 

Ron worried for a second that he would have to pick the bloodstained remains of Hermione after Harry got through with her. Luckily, all he said was, "We thought you might like a girl to have as a new friend. You know, you are the only girl in our group, and you might like it if you were in the majority, not the minority." 

"Uh hu, sure Harry, what ever you say." 

"Where are they?" Frowned Ron. "I swear, if we get in trouble..." 

"Did we here a call of distress?" Called a voice from behind the trio. 

"Hark! The Ronald angel sings! Glory to the new born Muggle!" Sang Fred. He handed Ron a small remote control with a single red button on it. "You do the honors." 

As Ron prepared to press the button, George wheeled out a cart with what looked exactly like Ron, only asleep and sitting on its knees. George prompted, "Press it!" 

Ron did. A whirl of smoke sorounded the figgure for a brief second, then melted away to reveal a most stunningly beautiful fifteen year old girl. Actually, it was only Ron with long hair, long eyelashes, a more angular jaw, and some other girlish such as long nails, more delicate-looking shoulders, larger eyes, and so on. Ron began circling the still-sleeping figgure. 

Hermione was not impressed. 

"so big deal, it's Ron with large eyes and a dress. You can put your eyes back in, Ron," she rolled her eyes at Fred and George who were shaking hands, as if they were sales men who had made a big sale. "And Harry, you can close your mouth. We are not catching flys here, you know." 

"Wow! It's...me. Only I'm a girl! I mean she's a girl! I mean I don't know what I mean! It's...oh, wow!" Ron was in a state of mixed amazement, shock and delight. Then a thought struck him. "Won't Batterworth know someone tampered with the system? I mean, won't it be a little obvious if he is expecting a boy, and then he sees her, and it's like 'humm, why is there a girl form of Ron, not a clone of Ron?' Isn't it a little bit too...well, it is kind of hard to not notice her." 

"Ah, sweet Fred, it is sad, isn't it?" Sighed George. 

"What?" 

"Ah, yes, dear George, it is," sniffed Fred, putting the back of his right hand gently to his own forehead and put his head back slightly. A mock-distress gesture. "Sad that a brand-new piece of high teck equipment could be mangled so in the delivery. So sad the order is never what you think it will be." 

"Oh, I get it now. We didn't mess it up, her, I mean, she got screwed up in the delivery." 

Fred and George headed back for the common room. 

"Ron," scolded Hermione, shaking her head at the perfect configuration of the Ron girl. "I don't like the way you think. But, I supose I could teach her a thing or two about that hair and make up. Atrocious, don't you think?" 

"I think Hermione is jealous," Harry raised an eyebrow at Hermione. Then, seeing she wasn't looking at him, but Ron, "Oh, I get it. You and Ron are going to ignore me? Fine, I'll stick with my friend Ron, er...well, the girlish side of my friend Ron." 

"Don't worry, Hermi," Ron assured her. "You're mine. Anyways, that would be nasty, you know, having something going with myself? Well...the feminine side of myself." 

"Ron, you are quite a piece of work," standing on tip-toes so she could reach, Hermione ruffled Ron's hair. "And I'm glad you're my piece of work." 

Harry just rolled his eyes. 

**** 

E/N (ending note)-ok, part 2 is comming really soon, I promis. I'll make sure it gets better, too. Please review this-Flames, compliments, additions, corrections, disses, I don't care! I just want feed back. I warm myself in the winter with your flames! 


	2. Default Chapter Title

a/n Ha! Part two of my really long story!!! This one is shorter than the first, but it's going to get longer! And to everyone who thinks I was trying to publicly humiliate Mizzy, I wasn't because we're best friends (and sisters) and we do that all the time to each other. 

* 

Sorry it has taken me so long to get this up-I'm having an MWB-major writer's block 

* 

Has anyone noticed that that was a really short author's note? 

* 

By the way, I got my wits back from the drycleaners, only slightly wrinkled. 

* 

Oh no, here we go again. Stop reading, or this will turn into a really long author's note! (and I have to write another long one-I have been beaten at my author's note legnth!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Horror!!!) 

part 2-100-0 

"Very good, Nevil, I'm glad to see you raise your hand so much," nodded Professor Batterworth after Nevil Longbottom answered a question. This was probably the only class where Nevil actually raised his hand. It was also the only class that he fully understood. The banshee screamed bloody murder, signifying the end of the class. "Ron, may I speak to you?" 

"Yes?" Ron paused at the door, waiting. 

"It's about the MT. First, the good news," the old man sighed and sat back on his desk. "The good news is with new technology, your MT will have all the same knowledge as you, and the same powers, so she can be an honorary student, or at least until you know all you need to know. She will be like another Hogwarts student, only she knows everything possible about Muggles." 

"She, sir?" Ron tried his best to look confused. 

"That's the bad part. The order for your MT was somehow mixed up, and it is you, only a girl," Batterworth heaved a sigh. "So the bad part is she won't be able to be in the same dorm as you. She will be in the girl's dorm, of course, and Hermione will at least have a girl to talk to. I don't know how she has put up with you all this time. You don't exactly understand girls, Ron, and she doesn't have very many friends in the girl's dorm." 

"Right, sir. When will I be getting the MT?" 

"Tonight. I would say tomorrow morning, only she needs to adjust and make friends, because she is going to be just as human as you are." 

"Sir?" 

"Yes, Ron?" 

"Sir, you wouldn't think someone would have tampered with the system, would you? I mean, someone like, oh, say, Fred and George?" 

* 

"You idiot! I can't believe you asked that!" Harry had to hold Hermione's arms back because she was at the verge of slapping Ron. Fred and George were looking in shock at their little brother. Had he turned them in? "We could get EXPELLED for that, you MORON!" 

"Hey, cool it, Herm, it all turned out OK," Ron laughed. "You should have heard his response!" 

"What'd he say?" Harry, who was now having a hard time holding her back. "Come off it, girl! Nothing happened! We're still here, Fred and George are still alive and we haven't even been confronted by Malfoy and his goons yet!" 

"He said that they wouldn't have been able to crack the computer code that is the security for the MT computer!" Fred and George slapped each other high five's. "He said that he thought it would be better that it was a girl, thought, because then people won't think this is an MT. The story is this- this is my cousin from Sillicia, in America." 

"Hey, Ron?" Hermione was no longer trying to kill Ron. 

"Yup?" 

"There's no such place as Sillicia. It doesn't exist." 

"Hey, Herm?" 

"Yes?" 

"It does now." 

* 

The trio was sitting in a circle in the Gryffindor Common room, playing a game of Wizard's Chess. After loosing the twentieth game in a row to Ron Harry sighed, "Hermione, what time is it?" 

"7:30. Ron, I play you next," she replied. 

"Sure, I'll play you. I'll also win. You want black or white?" Ron was broken for a brief moment from his deep strategy conversation with his chess men. 

"I'll be right back. I need to get them from my room!" She skipped merrily up the stairs to the girl's dorm and slamed the door behind her. 

"Wait! Get who? What? Do you want to be white or...ah, screw it," Ron muttered to Hermione's long closed door. "She's impossible." 

"I'll play you till she gets back?" Harry grinned at the thought of making it a square 0-100 (their over all score in wizard's chess for the year so far was 0-99). Ron would be pleased. 

"I'll beat you to make my record 100-0," Ron's pieces marched into place, thrilled at the prospect of winning yet again. 

There was a savage war between the pieces that lasted about three minutes, sorrounded by the occasional of 'Hey, you cheeter', or 'No fair!' and 'Yes!' then, "CHECK MATE! Ha! That's 100-0! I am the WORLD'S BEST CHESS PLAYER!! Woo-HOO!" 

Ron proceeded to dance around the common room in delight. He would have gone on like this for the whole night if there had not been that bashful rapping on the door... 

End of part two... 

a/n sorry it was so short!!! As you can see, I was really having an mwb. BTW-I found out that I am slightly incorrect with Fred and George's ages...they would be out of Hogwarts by now. But, as you will see in the next book, they have their...reasons.... 


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